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  • Carol

Things I detest!

Lima beans, sour milk in my cereal, wasting food, litter, suffering, disease, suicide, brokenness, childish adults.


THINGS I LOVE!!!!!! People's success, hard work, gentleness, forgiveness, mercy, grace and Jesus!


Someone help, I can't get out? Ever feel trapped? It's like your heart is aching so bad that it has crippled you.

While we could all think of things that we detest it was more pleasant for me to write about the things I love. Lima beans, sour milk, litter and wasting food may not hurt us but the others can. We all know someone or maybe ourselves who have experienced suffering in some way. This life never promised to be easy. You can make or break you, it's really your decision. Sometimes we need help but we never ask. Our hearts may lay barren and we are unable to move forward from our pain, sometimes our pain never diminishes. Why? There are likely many reasons our pain never gets better for us. In the movie Star Trek, The Final Frontier, Captain James Kirk and his crew are on a journey to find God at Spock's half brother Sybok's request. Sybok has this gift that can remove peoples pain but, when he approaches Jim Kirk about removing his pain, Jim's response was somewhat different then his crew's. If you follow any of the Star Trek series and movies then you really wouldn't be surprised at his response. He says to McCoy, "You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away by the wave of a magic wand. They are the things that we carry with us that make us who we are. We lose them, we lose who we are". Kirk looks at Sybok and says, "I don't want my pain taken away, I need my pain". In some manner Jim Kirk is right, we all need our pain because it made us who we are today. Here is the problem question, did we allow pain to cripple us or did we grow through the painful experience? in 2001 Carol and I lost our son Kristopher to suicide. Now, we could forever lament over that very painful memory, but we don't. It will be the most horrible event that we will ever have endured. About 2 weeks after Kris's death I received a call from my brother Don who also suffered loss of a son years earlier. He knew the pain that was in my heart. He told me this, "God doesn't allow trials in our lives to make us bitter, He allows them in our lives to make us better." 18 years later I still haven't forgotten those words, those words were for me, from God, my Father, my heavenly Father! That experience forever changed us though. Talking with Don again about 6 months ago in 2018 I said, i don't know how to describe it but that experience changed me inside, I'm, i'm not who I was, I feel different. Don exclaimed, "You too? I thought it was just me." So, what we do with our pain is very important. Do we live in our pain daily or do we rest in our choices and not fear? You may be saying, that might be great for you Bob, but I can't get over this, I just can't forget, I cannot climb out and away from this pain. Well, I can tell you this, you will never forget. I remember every last detail in his room when I discovered Kris on February 14th 2001, Valentines day.

If you want true healing then you need to cry out to God. He wants you to seek Him so He can use your pain to help others. I have discovered that my pain has helped me to become a more gentler man, I have empathy for people no matter what suffering they are going through. Matthew 11 says it best.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my labor upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my labor is easy and my burden is light.

If you're reading this and it makes no sense then pray about it and ask God to reveal what it means to you. If you don't believe in Jesus or God.......ask anyway, you may be surprised.

If you are struggling with your journey I would be glad to help.


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